Love Has Got To Win

Choosing the Right Partner: The Foundation of Thriving Relationships

After years of navigating serious relationships and learning from both personal experience and observation, I decided to share insights on what I perceived to be a healthy partner selection and what makes a relationship thrive. These reflections are shaped not just by my journey but also by eudcated research and what has consistently proven true through the experiences and wisdom of others.

Relationships In 21st Century

Relationships today take many forms! While some thrive many are established often without lasting intentions. In past generations, societal structures labeled marriage as a duty, dictated who to marry, and predetermined roles in a marriage. This provided an acceptable structure, almost certainty, but limited freedom, almost suffocating one's right expression of love.

 Today, we are free! So free to choose that we even struggle with self-doubt, asking: Who am I? What do I want? What's best for me? What are my pet peeves? This shift has redefined relationships from survival and obligation to romantic companionship—and now, to self-actualization. The best relationships today are a journey of mutual discovery. It is genuine progressive evolution that, in my opinion, aligns with how God wired us as humans, encouraging true authentic expressions of who we are. 

A truly shared life requires dedication that inspires growth.

It is often said: The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our life. Your partner influences your trajectory more than anything else.

Choosing wisely is crucial.

Why Do People Stay Together?

Love alone is rarely the sole reason people stay together. Factors such as emotional security, financial benefits, companionship, obligation, pure attraction, and social status also play a role, often to a further extent than love. However, not all reasons are equally valid in fostering a TRULY lasting, unfaked, healthy relationship. Some factors may offer temporary 'stability' but lack the depth required for a REAL, lasting, and fulfilling relationship.

Distinguishing between love and attachment and merely making an impression for society's accepted norms is key to building a strong foundation.

Now, let’s explore the organic progression of a fulfilling relationship.

1. Admiration – I See You!

It starts with admiration. Yes, admiration! Typically, this springs when a person embodies values that you respect and admire and are most likely to adopt. They may be prioritizing these values at a level you can appreciate and generally it is a reflection of who you are and your belief system in life. They mirror you, and subconsciously you see yourself in them.

This is where an innate motivation is born in you, to be a better person just by being around them. In a pleasant way, you start seeing areas in your life that you can improve upon to match them and eventually gain their admiration. This is where life can take a turn for the better, and change simply starts happening.

"I wish you saw yourself the way I see you!"

2. Deep Connection – You Get Me and I Get You!

When admiration is reciprocated, a profound connection forms. This is when someone feels like home—not because they share your background but because they truly see you. Their presence validates your existence in a way that feels undeniable. It’s the space where you are your most honest self, free of pretense.

You feel 'at home'.

A couple experiencing deep connection may find that they can communicate effortlessly, often even without words. They anticipate each other's needs and understand subtle shifts in emotions. When something significant happens, their partner is the first person they want to tell. It creates a safe emotional space where they feel accepted and understood.

For instance, after a long and stressful day, one partner instinctively knows how to provide comfort—whether it’s giving space, offering a hug, or simply listening without judgment.

You develop your own rhythm, a deep unspoken understanding that builds trust. This level of attunement creates emotional security and strengthens the bond.

 It is in these moments of effortless connection that the depth of the relationship is truly felt and experienced.

3. Love – I’m Into You!

Love is a deep connection nurtured over time through care and reciprocity. It unfolds in the practicality of life and becomes the glue that holds a developing relationship together. It’s the unshakable knowing that, no matter what, this person is by your side. Love isn’t just passion—it’s trust, consistency, and the deep sense that you are better together than apart.

Consider a couple who has been together for years. Life presents challenges—financial struggles, personal losses, or health issues—but their love remains unwavering. They don’t just share good times; they navigate hardships together, growing stronger through each trial.

This is where love is tested and proven, fueling a continuous choice to support, uplift, and stand by one another, proving that true love withstands the test of time.

4. Purpose – Life Gains a New Meaning!

Love fuels purpose. A lasting relationship is also about shared meaning.

"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds." 

A shared purpose strengthens relationships beyond surface-level attraction. Some couples find meaning in raising a family with deep intention, others in building a business, pursuing spiritual growth, or making a significant difference in the world. Purpose doesn’t have to be grand—it simply has to be meaningful to both, and you have to be 'emotionally invested in it'. 

When partners inspire each other to grow and create something greater together, love transcends mere companionship and becomes a powerful force that fuels life.

However, shared purpose should not be mistaken for and alliance to stay together out of fear of societal scrutiny or maintaining appearances. A relationship built on such reasoning becomes a facade rather than a meaningful union rooted in truth and genuine connection. And naturally, it doesn't help the kids, if any, in the mix!

 True purpose within a relationship must be cultivated from within, from a mutual desire to build something real together.

5. Commitment – I Consistently Choose You!

Commitment is consistent action in embracing the journey of purpose discovery while nurturing a deep connection. 

It is not just words or intentions but a daily choice to grow together and reinforce the foundation of the relationship. It is the daily investment in the relationship that creates security and trust.

 When nurtured through commitment, love becomes the foundation that allows couples to withstand difficulties, find fulfillment, and deepen their bond over time.

Sexual activity or 'roommate' companionship alone won’t sustain a relationship; genuine commitment is rooted in deep connection, reinforced by trust, shared purpose, and effort. Commitment is not merely about staying together—it’s about how you stay together.

For example, couples who sustain their commitment often prioritize meaningful rituals—whether it’s a shared morning routine, constructive conversations at the end of the day, or checking in on each other’s emotional well-being. They create a foundation where love thrives.

Commitment means continuously investing in your relationship, adjusting and growing together, and nurturing and reinforcing the emotional connection that fuels it.

6. Compatibility – We Value the Same Things!

True compatibility goes beyond hobbies or interests. It’s about sharing fundamental values and working well together in daily life.

Feeling 'at home' takes a steep 180-degree turn when there is a significant lack of compatibility—and, unfortunately, this can only be discovered the hard way, through living it and discovery.

Let me explain.

Many mistake familiarity for compatibility, but these are distinct.

Feeling 'at home' with someone could simply be the result of past conditioning, but when unhealthy, it doesn’t always mean you have the right match. 

For instance, someone who grew up around unhealthy relationship dynamics may feel drawn to similar patterns in adulthood, confusing that sense of familiarity with true compatibility. However, genuine compatibility is not just about comfort; it is about aligning values, emotional health, and the ability to grow together in a meaningful way.

A couple who values personal growth will support each other’s evolution while reinforcing their bond. If one person is deeply career-driven and the other prioritizes family above all else, conflicts may arise without a shared vision. Likewise, financial habits, lifestyle choices, and emotional needs must align for lasting harmony.

Successful couples align their long-term aspirations, whether through shared adventures, raising a family with strong values, or pursuing a common passion. Compatibility ensures that two people grow together rather than apart, creating a synergy of goals, habits, and values that sustains the relationship beyond initial attraction.

Allow Genuine Love in Your Life

Building a meaningful, lasting relationship is about admiration, deep connection, love, purpose, commitment, and true compatibility. It requires more than attraction or convenience.

Additionally, understanding your attachment style can provide clarity on how past experiences shape your relationship patterns. Many people unknowingly sabotage deep connections due to unresolved attachment wounds. Whether you are anxious, avoidant, or secure in your attachment, becoming aware of these tendencies allows for growth and the ability to foster healthier, more meaningful relationships.

When the 6 elements described align, a relationship becomes a source of strength, fulfillment, and genuine joy. This can fuel your life and sustain you in living your full purpose and potential, where you truly feel 'alive'. And this is how the quality of your relationship with your signifcant other, especially can determine the quality of your life.

This can shape AND alter your life. 

Choose wisely, nurture intentionally, and embrace the journey—whether in finding your partner or growing together in a love-rooted relationship.

Share your thoughts!

References

Following: Esther Perel, Matthew Hussey, Ivan Nicholo, Thais Gibson, Psychology Today, Bustle.com, Healthypathtolove.com, marriage.com, yourtango.com, psychcentral.com, Various Famous Quotes