When They Won’t Open Up: How to Build Trust and Deepen Your Relationship

Relationships thrive on emotional connection, but what happens when one partner finds it difficult to open up? If you’re an empath—someone who deeply feels emotions—you may find yourself frustrated, exhausted, or even questioning the future of your relationship.

But don’t worry! There are ways to foster intimacy and build a safe space for your emotionally unavailable partner to open up. Let’s break it down into simple, practical steps.

Step 1: Start With Yourself

Before helping your partner, take a step back and check in with yourself.

• Ask yourself: What do I need from this relationship?

• Be clear on your emotions: Are you feeling lonely, frustrated, or unheard?

• Know your limits: You can encourage, but you can’t force someone to change.

Understanding your own feelings helps you communicate your needs in a healthy way without making your partner feel pressured.

Step 2: Create a Safe and Judgment-Free Space

Someone who is emotionally unavailable might feel uncomfortable sharing because they fear judgment, rejection, or feeling weak. The key is to make them feel safe.

• Pick the right time: Don’t start deep conversations when they’re stressed or distracted.

• Stay calm and patient: If they sense frustration, they may shut down even more.

• Assure them: Let them know you’re there to listen, not to criticize.

A simple way to open a conversation could be:

“I’d love to understand you better. No pressure—whenever you feel ready to share, I’m here.”

Step 3: Change How You Communicate

If you want your partner to open up, you need to ask the right questions and speak in a way that encourages conversation.

- What to Avoid:

“Why don’t you ever talk to me?” (Feels like blame) “You need to tell me what’s wrong.” (Feels demanding)

What to Say Instead:

• “I love learning about what’s on your mind. What was the best part of your day?”

• “I know talking about feelings isn’t easy, but I’d love to hear what’s been on your mind lately.”

• “I want to be there for you. What’s something I can do to make you feel more comfortable?”

Using open-ended questions (instead of yes/no questions) makes it easier for them to engage.

Step 4: Listen Like a Pro

Many people don’t open up because they’re afraid of how the other person will react. Show them that you are a safe place to land.

How to be a great listener:

• Don’t interrupt. Let them finish their thoughts.

• Don’t try to “fix” their feelings—just acknowledge them.

• Repeat what you hear to show understanding: “It sounds like you’ve been feeling really overwhelmed with work.”

When your partner feels heard, they’ll be more willing to share.

Step 5: Respect Their Boundaries

Some people need more time to process emotions. If your partner withdraws, it’s not always a sign they don’t care.

• Give them space when they need it.

• Avoid pressuring them for answers immediately.

• Recognize that small steps matter—opening up is a process.

If they don’t respond right away, don’t take it personally. The more you respect their emotional process, the more comfortable they’ll feel coming to you.

Step 6: Set Healthy Boundaries for Yourself

As an empath, you might feel responsible for their emotions, but you are not their emotional fixer.

• Protect your own emotional energy by taking breaks when needed.

• Make sure your needs are met, too. A relationship is a two-way street.

• If you feel stuck, therapy (either solo or together) can be a great tool.

  
  

Step 7: Talk About the Future Without Pressuring

If your partner made promises about taking a next step in your relationship—like planning a trip together or making financial commitments—but hasn’t taken action, bring it up in a non-threatening way.

• Instead of: “You keep saying we’ll take a trip together, but we never actually plan it! When are you going to make it happen?”

• Try: “I’ve been really looking forward to planning that trip we talked about. When do you think we could sit down together and start looking at dates?”

Or, if it’s about finances:

• Try: “I know we’ve mentioned getting serious about saving for a home/combining finances/etc. How do you feel about setting some goals together?”

This keeps the conversation open-ended and collaborative rather than making your partner feel like they’re being pressured or failing to meet expectations. It also encourages teamwork in making decisions together rather than one person feeling like they have to meet a demand.

Step 8: Celebrate Progress (Even the Small Wins!)

Opening up is hard for someone who’s emotionally unavailable. If they start sharing even a little, appreciate the effort.

How to reinforce progress:

“I loved hearing about your day. It means a lot to me.”

“I really appreciate you opening up about that.”

“I know talking about feelings isn’t easy for you, but I’m grateful that you trust me.”

Positive reinforcement makes them feel safe to share more in the future.

You deserve emotional fullfilment

Helping an emotionally unavailable partner open up takes patience, love, and consistency. But remember: you deserve emotional fulfillment too.

If your partner never makes an effort to meet you halfway, it may be time to ask yourself: Is this relationship truly healthy for me?

But if you see growth, even if it’s slow, keep nurturing the connection. Over time, you can build a relationship where both of you feel heard, valued, and emotionally fulfilled.

What’s one step you’re going to try today? Share your thoughts in the comments!